Healing

shirt: equipment (similar here) // shorts: vintage levi (loving these) // shoes: zara (similar here)
photos by common dove photography

A lot of changes are happening in my life these days.....and I would be lying if I claimed to not be nervous about them. However, I stopped this morning and thought about how different my life was a year ago at this time......trapped in a situation I never thought I would escape.....trying to fool everyone (including myself) that I was happy and everything was fine......and now, here I am......free as a bird, living in a place I never thought I would be content with (it turns out sometimes coming home is just the ticket), being surrounded by people that truly make me happy and loving my life as I never have before. Healing is a process.....at times it can be incredibly gut wrenching and painful and even when you think you have completely healed new wounds are ripped open......but these last 7 months have taught me that the process is entirely worth the pain and risks......and I'm jumping feet first into the next chapter of my life.

Eyes Above the Waves

jacket: karlie (similar here) // hat: via james clothing boutique (similar here) // jeans: vintage levi (loving these)
photo by jc wootton photography

"You call me out upon the waters
The great unknown where feet may fail
And there I find You in the mystery
In oceans deep
My faith will stand

And I will call upon Your name
And keep my eyes above the waves
When oceans rise
My soul will rest in Your embrace
For I am Yours and You are mine

Your grace abounds in deepest waters
Your sovereign hand
Will be my guide
Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me
You've never failed and You won't start now

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders
Let me walk upon the waters
Wherever You would call me
Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander
And my faith will be made stronger
In the presence of my Savior

I will call upon Your name
Keep my eyes above the waves
My soul will rest in Your embrace
I am Yours and You are mine"

Lately I've been finding it harder and harder to keep my eyes above the waves. I finally realized that I've been searching for answers in all of the wrong places and constantly left feeling empty….The one thing I am sure of is that my feet may fail me but my faith is definitely being made stronger right now…...

Combat Boots and Truck Drivers

shirt: free people (similar here) // skirt: helmut lang (available here) // jacket: vintage (loving this one)
photos by common dove photography

Last week a dear friend sent me this article…..and it shook me to the core…..these are the women I want around me….and I am very grateful that my gang feels the same way about me…… let's start lifting each other up instead of tearing each other down…….

"This is for the women who don't give a fuck. 

The women who are first to get naked, howl at the moon and jump into the sea…..

This is for the women who seek relentless joy; 
the ones who know how to laugh with their whole souls…..

The women who speak to strangers because they have no fear in their hearts.

The ones who wear "night make up" in the morning or don't own mascara.

The women who know their worth, who plant their feet and roar in their brilliance.

The women who aren't afraid to tell a man to get the fuck out of her heart if he doesn't honor her heart.

This is for the women who rock combat boots with frilly skirts.

The women who swear like truck drivers.

The women who hold the people who harass or wrong them with fierce accountability…..

This is for the women who drink coffee at midnight and wine in the morning and dare you to question it….

For the women who open doors for men and are confident enough to have doors opened for them.

Who use “no” to be in service for themselves.

Who don’t give a damn about pleasing the world, and do sweetly as they wish.

For the superheroes—the single moms who work three jobs to make it. I salute your resilient, cape-flapping, ambitious selves.

This is for the women who throw down what they love, and don’t waste time following society’s pressures to exist behind a white picket fence.

The women who create wildly, unbalanced, ferociously and in a blur at times.

The women who know how to be busy and know how to plant their feet in the earth and get grounded.

These are the women I want around me."

(Janne Robinson)

Figured Out

vintage pierre cardin blazer (loivng this one) // boots: chinese laundry (available here) // bag: vintage gucci // necklace: anne paige (similar here)
photos by common dove photography

I'm guilty of not always taking my own advice…..and lately I've been beating myself up about not having my life figured out the way I thought I would at this point……but I saw this quote the other day and it made me say, hey, who the hell cares if your life is "figured out"…..

"You do not have to have life figured out. You are life. Watch, as life develops and reinvents everyday. Discover, the beauty of living. Life never stops growing, look closely, this moment always greets us- offering the opportunity to continue blossoming into our true essence."

……so…... what I've "figured out" is that…. I'm the girl who laughs so hard that I almost fall off of a dock…..I'm the mom who let's her child jump in every single mud puddle he sees……. I'm the friend who is just such a complete mess that you can't help but take her in and one day I'll do the exact same for you……I'm the daughter who just wants acceptance….. and I'm the woman waiting for the right man to come along to see me for exactly all that I am and love me in spite of it……. and everything else I will figure out along the way…….

Ps….. I'm also the girl who walks into her closet and proclaims "I have nothing to wear"……then grabs a vintage men's blazer and wears it as a dress to a birthday dinner…… #nopantsparty

Willing to Burn

top: minkpink (similar here)// skirt: vintage (loving this one) // jacket: vintage (loving this one) // shoes: schutz (similar here) // bag: loeffler randall (on sale here!)
photos by common dove photography

"She was never crazy. She just didn't let her heart settle in a cage. She was born wild, and sometimes we need people like her. For it's the horrors in her heart which cause the flames in ours. And she was always willing to burn for everything she has ever loved."

Despite all of my big talk about being strong and putting up walls I'm actually an incredibly sensitive and passionate person. In the past I used to beat myself up about not being stronger, especially over the last several months trying to prove to everyone that despite going through a divorce and my life being turned upside down that I'm "ok."

Well, you know what, its exhausting trying to be strong all of the time. I feel things so intensely that sometimes I don't know how to come back from them.

Recently some important people in my life made me realize its ok to let myself be affected by things the way I do and that being constantly stoic is not healthy. Using what you have been given instead of trying to hide it away is always a better alternative…… This year I'm using my empathy and sympathy for greater causes because with everything going on lately I let myself crawl into a selfish hole.

My walls are still up guarding my heart because its not just me that is affected by who I choose to love…..but its time to start embracing my annoyingly passionate disposition.

I Believe I Was Wrong

vest: vintage (loving this one) // pants: gap (here) // coat: karlie (similar here) // shoes: shoemint (similar here) // necklaces: vintage chanel and stella & dot
photos by common dove photography

Being a 26 year old mother going through a divorce is pretty much a learning game…..a painful, annoying, rewarding learning game. Being able to admit when I'm wrong has definitely been a learned quality over the last several months.  A couple of weeks ago I thought I had all of the answers….I thought I was doing ok and that it was time for my "walls" to come down…..boy was I wrong. 

Sitting on a freezing cold beach a couple of days ago I had an epiphany…… the answer is….I DON'T have to have all of the answers right now, in fact, I don't need any answers right now. I  just need to get through the day and make sure my son is happy and taken care of. Outside of that is beyond my control. Putting walls up isn't always a bad thing, it actually helps to keep you grounded. Its alright to have your head in the clouds….as long as your feet are firmly on the ground.

One thing I realized is that I am not ok right now………..and that's totally ok :)